How do I feel after performing? What have I learned? Where to I want to take the lessons I have learned in comedic writing and performance? What do I want to keep in mind when making people laugh?
The biggest takeaway from this course is a reminder that I love performing. I have been noticing my emotions on the day of a performance feel like a roller coaster, but have become traceable. I feel a special kind of adrenaline leading up to the performance, as if nothing else later on matters- there is only this immediate goal with full stakes. When I am called up to perform, I feel an immediate nervousness but then feel calm within a couple seconds. A certain kind of clarity ensues, and I love the adrenaline I get in front of an audience. I am able to remember every moment exactly and feel very present in the moment. I love the stakes of being watched and feel that it allows me to do my best. Afterwards, I feel a low drop and a kind of disappointment when the adrenaline wears off.
I am reflecting after the final performance and I did not feel the kind of low that I did after the other performances. It is 2 in the morning and I feel buzzed with a certain kind of energy that the other performances haven’t given me. I have not consumed any alcohol or caffeine and usually go to bed at 10 pm but for some reason I am wired. I feel happy with the way my performance went tonight and loved being able to actually perform in front of an audience that laughed. The biggest success however feels like that I was able to finally craft a set that felt authentic to my humor. My other sets contained cheap jokes and bits I knew would make the audience laugh, but I wasn’t particularly proud of. In this set, I was able to make it more personal to the audience and use wordplay to highlight my strengths and sense of humor in an authentic way. It felt so rewarding to have people laugh at the things I had written that I was truly proud of and thought were smart and the feedback I received seemed even more heartfelt and useful. I think all of these factors combined to create the emotional buzz I am feeling, as if I was on to something. I got several people commenting on the cleverness of the piece and I feel that my work is truly appreciated. I try to not rely on external validation, but the feedback after tonight feels reassuring in a way, as if I’m on to something. I love using humor as a tool to illuminate everyday phenomena in anew way and also as a critical lens to look at the world. I feel that writing comedy and performing has given me a new mode of expression.
Going forward, I want to keep performing sets that feel true to myself. I am unsure how to do this, as I don’t think the complex wordplay would land as well in the environments in Vancouver. I feel determined to keep trying though, and am committed to maintaining humor that feels authentic after realizing how gratifying it is. I am going to keep seeking out open mics in Vancouver and the local area and hopefully get a paid gig at one point. For now I am going to keep seeing the world from this new lens I’ve developed for critical analysis and humor as a tool to communicate.
I would give myself an A in this course, as I feel like I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone in all areas and really engaged with all aspects of this course. I had an inspiring, thought provoking and simultaneously nerve wracking block that really helped to shift my critical world view.